Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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