you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
