he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
