Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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