Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
