i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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