Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
