apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
