So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
