"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
