Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
