Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
wow bdsm is so cute
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
