God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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