my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
