I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize