i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
