so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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