i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
