wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
