Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
