ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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