OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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