I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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