I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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