I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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