What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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