Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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