I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
