hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
