I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
