hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
