He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
