I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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