batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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