Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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