I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry about my life...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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