You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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