I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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