I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
