just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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