you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
