it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize