And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize