I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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