what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
