p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
