Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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