The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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