you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
