I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
