You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
