Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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