I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
