but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize