Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
