I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
