I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
not ubering you a puppy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
