I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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