i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
