I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
