i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
