I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
