if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize