thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
