I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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