one two three fourrrrnication!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
