it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
