I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
