dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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